This summer I visited my Grandma Selby and her farm as well as my aunty lornamay. I missed them so much and am so happy I got a relaxing time spent with them. Painting, movies, exploring, relaxing and reflecting.
I thought a lot about where I want to go in life and what I would like to do. All of everything I wanted and even what I missed. Sometimes finding what you want next can be about looking into what you miss and how to gain or find that again. I miss highschool and the relationships I had with my teachers and friends. I know the constant encouragement from everyone was addicting in a way, I thrived off of eyes watching what Ill do next, how good my grades were, if my friends will like my outfits etc.
The past year I’ve learned how to live without all that. Especially since I don’t see any of those people much anymore. I take all the fun I had in school in my heart and my teachers guidance and support in my head to remind me when I need a pick me up. I’ve learned so much about myself being on my own within my own company for so long. I found a style that I look forward to wearing and am comfortable in. One that makes me feel like me and brings out the happier side. I found that the people that actively choose to stay in my life are the ones I get to keep. I learned that life changes so fast outside of school and that there is so many endless possibilities out there for me to choose.
There is no path I’m supposed to follow, just mornings and nights with small and large choices. I am happier out on the farm, outside fills my soul. That also lead me to think about an acreage I could have one day. I thought about love and family but those have become my back burning plans. I want to put my heart into my art, books and education first and I know that God will inevitably bring whoever’s out there my way when its right.
The trip to the farm was beautiful and I got to see harvest time for the first time. The grain was beautiful blowing in the wind and seeing the world so level was a fun experience compared to Alberta’s hilly land and mountains.